The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
