I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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