yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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