i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
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He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
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I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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