I'm going to jail i love you
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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