3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
