My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
