i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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