then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
