I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
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i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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