i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
