Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
