I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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