Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
