Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
