I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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