I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
