Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
