Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
