He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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