Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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