FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Will exercising make me less horny?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
