i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
He kissed a someone with a penis
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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