whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
My bed smells like the plague
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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