i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
