You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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