they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
