He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
