This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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