The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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