i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
