so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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