I think I died a long time ago.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Randomize
