I wanna bring you to show and tell
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
