Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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