Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
