I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
