did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
