If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Randomize
