if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
