youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
