Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
