Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
