I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
