And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
