I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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