So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
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Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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