went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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