Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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