I'm drive I can fine osifer
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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