i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Randomize
