U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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