hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
