It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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