I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
