we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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