This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
i out mim tonsoeep
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
