Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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