oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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