Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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