So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
