420 ftw
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
