Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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