Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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