Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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