watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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