She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
