she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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