if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
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