the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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