I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
