My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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