i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
