Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
