I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
