I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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