Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
