why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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