went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
