if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
