Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
